


I'll Stand Alone Until I Fall Apart

by ReylanSteele



Series: Alexander Familton and Friends [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Daddy Issues, George WashingDad, Hurt/Comfort, I'm sorry @Lin-Manuel, M/M, Multi, RIP Alex's feelings, Why am I allowed to write these things, good dad GWash, i'm so mean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 07:27:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7159982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReylanSteele/pseuds/ReylanSteele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex just wants his father to love him. Unfortunately he's turning to the wrong one.<br/>Or<br/>Alex tries to reach out to his biological father.<br/>Based on that episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Aire where Will's dad is the worst.<br/>I suck at summarizing, but if you gave it a read I'd be forever thankful!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

The mouse icon on Alex’s computer screen hovered over the send button as he anxiously pondered the email on the screen. More precisely he pondered whether or not it was worth even sending the email, he wonders if the man he was sending it to would even care or respond. James Hamilton probably wouldn’t even give the message a second glance once he realized who it was from. And really, Alex thought, who could blame him? What sane person would open an email from their late mistress’s bastard son? 

Alex had discussed this idea with Laf, Herc, and John extensively for months before even thinking of writing the email. It had started around Father’s Day of that year. Alex had started thinking about his dad and had gotten the idea in his head that maybe he should contact him. He’d mentioned it to the others and they had whole heartedly supported him, even helped him locate the paper the email address was written on in. Alex thought the support had something to do with their slight ignorance of his and his father’s relationship. They had never been terribly close, what with James having a wife and three legitimate children with her. Alex had never been a priority in his father’s life, but maybe now that he had a job James would at least acknowledge him favorably.

He perused the email again, checking for spelling and grammar errors for the hundredth time. 

Dear Father,  
I know you haven’t heard from me in quite some time, but I was hoping that we could reconnect once again. I know you have a very busy schedule but I was hoping that we could perhaps meet. I can visit you if you wish, but I don’t know if that is best. I’ll leave the decision up to you, should you decide upon accepting the idea of us meeting. Thank you for taking the time to read this.  
Sincerely yours  
A.Hamilton

Finally, after taking a shaky breath, he pressed send. Then he immediately closed out of his email account and turned off his computer. His mind was flooded with regret and worries. What if he didn’t answer? What if he did? What if he hates me? Why did I think this was a good idea? Why did I think he would ever want to talk to me? He thought frantically while staring at the black computer screen. 

“Alexander? Son?” Alex jumped as a soft voice on his right sounded. He turned to look toward who had spoken and found himself face to face with George Washington, who was kneeling next to his chair. 

“Are you alright?” Washington’s brow was furrowed with concern and his hand was resting on the younger man’s arm. “Alex?”

Alex nodded slowly. Then shook his head. Then gave a helpless shrug. He really wasn't sure what he was at that moment. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex could tell he was worrying his boss, but he couldn’t really organize his thoughts well enough to reassure him. Even if he could speak, what would he tell Washington? He just stared blankly at Washington, unsure of what to say. “Did….something happen? Did Jefferson say something to you?” Eventually Alexander forced himself to speak.

“It’s nothing sir, I just...did something stupid,” Alex leaned back into his chair so that he was facing the computer again. He saw Washington stand out of the corner of his eye and waited for the other man to leave. Instead, Washington strode around to the other side of the desk where he then proceeded to sit on Alex’s desk.

“What did you do?” Alex looked to meet his mentor’s eyes before answering the question. 

“I just emailed my estranged father who I haven’t laid eyes on since I was in ninth grade. I then proceeded to ask him if he wanted to meet, after which I shut my computer down and started internally screaming at myself,” Alexander explained, voice flat. The two men sat in silence for a few moments as Alex let Washington take in the information. 

“Wow.”

“Yeah…”


	2. Confirmation

The reply came in within a few hours. Alex had made his way home for the night and opened his laptop to work on his article for the paper. He’d gotten up to grab a soda from the fridge and left his computer unoccupied. Lafayette had happened past the couch where Alex had left the laptop and he noticed the new message. He quickly recognized who it was from and he felt his own heartbeat pick up. 

“Alexander! Mon petit lion!” He called into the kitchen. 

“Yo!” Alex poked his head around the door frame to answer Laf. “What’s crackalackin’ babe?”

“Alex please the 90’s were almost 30 years ago, let the lingo die.” Alex laughed as he walked over to his lover. 

“As long as my box sets of Friends and Buffy are playable, the 90’s will live on.” Laf rolled his eyes and then kissed him softly. He wrapped his arms around the small man’s waist and ended the kiss to place a smaller one on Alex’s nose. Alex wrinkled his nose slightly and half grinned up at Laf. 

“Did you call me in here just to kiss me? I mean I’m not complaining, but you could have just come into the kitchen for that.”

“As much as I adore you ma cherie, I had another reason for calling you in here besides your lips,” Laf punctuated the end of the sentence with a brush of his own lips against Alex’s before pulling the smaller man to sit on the couch. “Look,” Laf handed Alex the computer and watched his boyfriend closely. 

Alex glanced over the screen until he came across what Laf had been talking about. His father’s reply. After a few moments of silence, and some nudging from Laf, Alex clicked on the reply. 

Dear Alexander,  
I’m delighted to hear from you. It has been so long since I’ve seen you my son, that I will most definitely take you up on your offer. I think the best idea would be for me to visit you. I’ll see you in two weeks, if that’s alright with you.  
Sincerely,  
Your father.

“Well?” Laf had his eyes locked on Alex’s face, waiting on edge for the verdict. Alex let a small smile cross his face as he answered. 

“He’s coming to visit.”

“Oh Alex, that’s wonderful!” Laf flung his arms around Alex, almost knocking the laptop to the floor in the process. At that moment a million thoughts were buzzing in Alex’s head. 

“How long do you think he’ll stay? Will he want to stay with us? Will he want me to introduce him to everyone? Oh God he, he doesn’t know that I’m bisexual! What am I going to tell him about all of us? Wh-” Laf reached up and turned Alex to face him so he could quickly cut off the stream of questions with a kiss before they could devolve into french or Spanish. He held the tense man until he felt Alex smile against his lips and relax into his embrace. Laf gently took the computer from Alex’s lap and he laid the it on the coffee table in front of them. When they broke apart Alex kept his eyes close and pressed his forehead against Laf’s. 

“Détendre le plus cher,” Laf hummed, reaching up to caress Alex’s face. “We’ll figure it out as we go. For now you may want to respond to him and work out the details of his visit.” Alex nodded and grinned slightly. He pecked Laf’s cheek as the Frenchman went to stand.

“You guys, you, John, and Herc, you keep me sane, you know that?”

“Je fais de mon mieux, Alex,” Laf kissed the top of his Alex’s head and sauntered off into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French translation:  
> Détente le plus cher- relax dearest  
> Je dais de mon mieux- I do my best


	3. Hope and Memories

“What do you get for someone you haven’t seen in almost a decade?” Hercules shrugged slightly as he continued to look for an appropriate store. “I don’t even know what he likes!” Hercules gave Alex’s hand a small squeeze of reassurance as he let the nervous man pull him along.

James had decided that he would spend five days with them from Thursday to Monday. That Friday night Alex was being given an award for one of his essays, so they would all attend together. Alex had gotten the idea that he needed to get his father a gift. John had tried to persuade him that he didn’t have too but Alex had insisted that he had to make up for all the missed Father’s Days and Christmases. So he and Herc had driven to the mall and now Alex was realizing how hard this task was going to be. 

“Should I just get him a tie? But that’s too basic. Stationary? Ugh, no Alex, that’s a “you want”, Dad wouldn’t know what to do with it. Maybe a hat? Or gloves? No, I’m his son not his mother. God I have no idea.” Alex sighed, leaning against Herc’s arm as they walked. 

“You’ll think of something, and whatever you get I’m sure he’ll love it,” Herc soothed. He released Alex’s hand to slip his arm around his shoulders. “If you don’t know what he likes, well, pick something for someone else.”

“.....Que?”

“Ok, lemme elaborate. You obviously care a lot about what he thinks of this gift, right?”

“Of course!”

“Well, think of someone who you would feel the same about. Who else’s approval would you care this much about?” Alex thought for a moment and then face lit up with a smile. 

“I know just where to go!”

…...…   
“Mr. Washington?” Alexander knocked softly on the door to his boss’s office as he peaked in.

“Yes Alexander?” Washington looked up from the paper he’d been looking over. “What do you need?”

“I was wondering if...well...sir you’re a very big part of my life, especially professionally, and of course you must know that. And I was thinking about this weekend And the award for the essay that I’m being given, the one for the most influential young reporter on NYC-

“Which I’m very proud of you for,” Washington interjected. 

“Thank you sir, that means the world to me and that’s another reason why I needed to ask you this because honestly you have pretty much shaped my career path and i’m so grateful for it sir, you have no idea, and that leads me to the question that I need to ask you about, the question about this weekend’s award and-”

“Alexander, please,” Washington cut him off, “breathe son. Now, what did you want to ask me?”

“I want you to meet my father on Friday, if that’s not too much to ask,” Alexander blurted out quickly. “It’s just that you’re both such big influences in my life sir.” 

“I would be delighted to meet him Alex. However, are you sure you want to spring all of this on him at once son? He may not be as eager as you are about this reunion.”

“What do you mean sir?” Alexander gave him a quizzical look. 

“From what you’ve told me and what I’ve heard from Lafayette, your father hasn’t been the most reliable person in the past. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up and then get hurt. I just want what’s best for you and honestly this may not be it son.”

“Well sir, with all due respect,” Ales began hotly, making Washington internally groan at his apparent faux pas. “I think I know what’s best for myself,” no you don’t, Washington thought “and although I appreciate your concern I know my father will prove you wrong.” God I hope so, Washington prayed. 

“Of course Alex, I’m sorry if I overstepped but I had to say something,” Washington soothed. “I’ just trying to look out for you son-

I’m not your son,” Alex snapped. Washington suppressed a flinch at the acid in his tone. 

“I know, I know,” he backtracked. “I’m sorry. I’d love to meet your father and I’m sure he will love seeing your place so why don't you bring him around here on Friday?”

“....Alright sir. I’m….I’m sorry for being so harsh sir. Thank for-”

“Alex, don’t worry about it. If you really want to make it up to me, you can help me out with editing some of these articles,” he gestured to the stack of papers on his desk. 

“Of course sir!” Alexander quickly sat in the in front of Washington's desk and seized half of the stack of papers. Washington watched as the young man in front of him worked and hoped against hope that Friday would go as well as Alex thought it would.

“Calm down Alex, he’s just another person,” John smiled as he helped Alex tie his tie. Alex’s nerves had made him all thumbs, but John was more than willing to help. 

“I know, I know, I just want everything to be perfect,” Alex smiled anxiously as John finished up and turned him to face the mirror. 

“You look so handsome,” John smiled. Alex flushed as he looked in the mirror. He wasn't wearing anything special. His white button down, black slacks and tie, and his best green suit jacket. Simple and sophisticated, it was a very clean look. 

“Oh my, don’t you look dashing,” Laf purred from the threshold of the bedroom. “Green suits you my dear.” Alex smiled slightly and ran a hand through his hair, which John had finally convinced him to leave down. 

“You guys ready to head to the airport?” Herc called from the living room. 

“Just a sec,” John called back. He turned Alex back to face him. “Are you ready?” Alex nodded and gave John a shaken smile. “Whatever happens, we are so proud of you for having the courage to do this ok?”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“And I love you most,” Laf said has he came over and pulled both of them into a hug. “But we should really get going before Alex’s father thinks we forgot him.”

………

The four of them were standing in the airport nervously watching the people flooding off the plane. Alex was bouncing on the balls of his feet in anticipation before he finally caught sight of his dad. He was a very average man in all, average height, handsome but not striking, and brisk and business like air about him. He caught sight of Alex and the others and gave them a tight smile as he headed over. Alex found himself thanking his lucky stars that he’d told his dad about his boyfriends in advance. He pushed those thoughts aside as his father stepped in front of him.

“Hello Alexander. It’s so good to see you. Goodness, you look so much like your mother,”James said, turning a critical eye to his son. Alex to shifted uncomfortable before uttering a thank you in return. James held his arms out and he and Alex embraced, albeit a tad bit awkwardly. 

“So,” James pulled away to survey the other three men,”these are your….boyfriends…” Alex flushed slightly and dropped his gaze to the floor, prompting John to speak up. 

“Yes sir we are,” John flashed a dazzling smile and extended his hand to the man who took it, after a moment’s hesitation. “I’m John, and this Hercules and this is Laf.” Both men offered their hands as they were gestured to.

“Pleased to meet you,” James said while giving that same tight smile. John already decided he wasn’t a big fan of this man, he just seemed sketchy for some reason. He looked to Herc and Laf and saw that they looked as wary as he felt. 

“So, what’s on the agenda for today?” James clasped his hands together expectantly. 

…….

Alexander laid in bed that night thinking about that day. They had spent the day showing his father around New York. They had walked through Central Park, visited the Empire State Building, and taken him out to one of Alex’s favorite places for dinner. It had been a very nice day all in all, a little bit strange. He’d noticed that John, Laf, and Herc had been acting weirdly that day, but he’d written it off as protectiveness. They were just apprehensive, that’s all, and he couldn’t blame them for that… 

//Daddy? Daddy where are you the spelling bee starts in 10 minutes!

Now Alexander you are much too old to be calling me daddy, you are in fifth grade. I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it tonight.

But, but you promised! You said you would be here! 

I am very sorry Alexander, and I promise that I will make it up to you. Oh come on now Alex, stiff upper lip, no sniffling. You have a spelling bee to win,remember?

….yes sir//

“Alex?” He jumped slightly as the soft voice behind him pulled him back to the present. He became aware of Hercules’s hand running up and down his side and the larger man’s lips on the back of his neck. “Baby I can hear you thinking, what’s going on in there?” Hercules reached up to stroke Alex's temple gently. 

“Just...remembering.”

“Good things?”

“....Not really.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?.”

“Nothing important Herc, promise.”

“You sure?” 

“Yeah. I’m sure. It was a long time ago.” And it won’t happen again, he thought as he snuggled closer to Hercules and drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberty with Alex's dad, so bear with me.


End file.
